How to pursue your dreams without quitting your day job.

picture of planner, time management, don't quit your day job, How to pursue your dreams without quitting your day job.

For some reason there is this weird shame associated with living your dream as well as working a day job. Or even a stigma that you have not actually succeeded at your dream unless its pursuit is what fully sustains you; both internally and financially.

A few weeks back, I was in the midst of a conversation with a young person who works a part time job. They are hoping to pursue a modeling/acting career. When I asked what they were currently doing to pursue their passion in the industry, with a dash of bitterness, they replied, “Well, I try to do photoshoots and work on my Youtube Channel, but I am always stuck at my day job.”

This person works 20 hours a week at their day job. It’s their only job and they don’t go to school.

I’m not sure if you’ve ever done the Math, but we have 168 hours a week. Every one of us. The same.

Since you may not all be walking zombies and need some sleep, that leaves us with 112.

Let’s subtract the 20 hours my friend works; that leaves them with approximately 92 hours. Which averages out to 13 hours a day to do whatever one’s heart desires.

I work between 45-50 hours a week. But my day job is not the thing I blame if I am not where I want to be with my life goals.

The first place we need to begin when it comes to pursuing our life’s passions without quitting our day job, is learn to be grateful for our day jobs.

**insert record screech sound here.**

Wait, what? Yes. I said it.

Let me explain.

Without them, we may not have the means necessary to pursue whatever it is that we want to pursue, while not making ANY money initially. Realistically, most entrepreneurial endeavors actually require a heavy level of financial investment of time and energy in the beginning stages.

When I was in a band, I needed a ton of musical equipment. It was NOT cheap. Matter of fact, by the time I was all said and done with my music career, I had racked up $10K in debt.

I often had multiple jobs. They definitely weren’t “career” type jobs. I merely needed a means to sustain my living and ensure my bills were paid. They were never an excuses as to why I wasn’t pursuing my life’s passions. It’s our choice/fault if we have chosen a job and allowed it to be a “ball and chain” when it comes to our free time and how we spend it. We all have bills to pay, and will need some financial resources. Thank the Lord for the opportunity to serve and bus tables to make my car payment, pay my cell phone bill and put gas in my car while in college. Seriously. Grateful.

After finding a place of gratitude for a means to sustain your existence; the next step is managing your time. The young person I mentioned earlier, who has an average of 13 hours of free time a day, there are plenty of people who accomplish far more with less. How? Learning to manage their time.

Time management is no joke. It is one of the single most valuable lessons one can learn to be productive and take action in the pursuit of their passions.

I often look back on that season when I was in band and ask myself, “How the heck did I do it?” I worked a full time job, went to school full time and also traveled nearly every weekend to do shows. The truth, I didn’t give myself any other options. My employer at the time was willing to work with me and allowed me to work 4 ten hour days a week. I would arrive to work at 7AM and leave by 5PM, go to my evening classes 3 nights a week, have band practice on the other 2 nights a week and travel on the weekends. Often pulling all-nighters to drive back in to town to be back to work on Monday morning.

There was no other option. We’ve all heard the term, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

If you want it, you will find a way. If you have no idea where to begin when it comes to time management; here are a few ideas.

Have a calendar. I’m serious. Whether it be a physical planner, or a digital one, document and plan your life. Some of you may already do this. Others, this may seem absolutely foreign. You can’t say you have aspirations yet have no plans. Decide small steps of what needs to be accomplished and then block yourself out to do it. Dedicate specific days and times to do it, if needed. Establish habits or a routine. You don’t need to be absolutely rigid, but you do need to protect your time. You need to assign it the weight that it deserves to have priority in your life. Some have the luxury of having set schedules at their days jobs, that makes it much easier. Maybe Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays are “content creation days” and Tuesday and Thursdays are “Marketing days” or maybe you have “research days.” Whatever your needs are, assign them. If you’re like me and you don’t have a set schedule, but need to set aside time to write or record videos and inspirational reels, look ahead at your week. What are your days off, assign them in your planner and map out what your week will look like. Maybe you’re like me and work evening shifts a lot; wake up early, get your personal goals tackled before heading in to your day job. I have incredible days at my day job when I feel accomplished with my personal goals. I am happier and perform better.

So begin planning your time. You can not blame anybody but yourself for not spending it wisely. There are far too many busy people out there who prove that big goals can be accomplished with intentional planning. We have no excuse. Establish self-discipline now, it will only benefit you in the long run.

In the next step of pursuing your dreams without quitting your day job, is make sure that it is a day job that is flexible to meet your needs …and also the businesses.

Our day in age, we always want to know, “What’s in it for me?” But let’s be real, businesses exist to make a profit. They want results. You will have to perform at some level. The part that you need a say in, is whether it works with your scheduling needs. Not every place does. This is something you need to know up front. Be candid with your needs and ask your employer to do the same. If they both can not be met, find something else. (You might be saying, “But Dominique, I thought this post was about NOT quitting your day job?” It is, but it’s important to have the right kind of day job. Remember how I had one that was able to let me work 4 tens? Not everyone can accommodate that. So we need to decide what our priorities are and whether we can make it work. If my needs potentially create a hardship on accommodating business needs at my job, I need to take ownership of that and find something that is more flexible.)

It is not your employers fault that they are asking you to work what you agreed to work when they offered you a job. You agreed to it. Being bitter down the road does nothing. If your needs and the business needs no longer fit; find something else. Do not waste your time. Do not waste your employers time. You need the time to pursue your passion and so do they.

One more thing when it comes to pursuing your dreams without quitting your day job. Something that we don’t keep in mind often enough, is that whether its in the field we are trying to break in to or not, our employer has done something right when it comes to running and sustaining a business. Are there things we can pick apart and assume that we might be able to do better within our own respective fields; sure. There always are. But we have an opportunity to work with others, ask questions, see what’s done right and opportunities to learn from. I have learned invaluable life lessons from past employers; such as the importance of working hard but having a fun time doing it. I’ve observed my friends taking away skills of how to talk to people and setting proper expectations, from their past jobs and then applying it to their own business interactions. And of course, the not-to-do;s. The things we have personally experienced that sucked and we can make a conscious effort of not doing those things within our own endeavors.

Day jobs are important. They keep us grounded, teach us lessons and sustain our living. There should be no shame in having them. Rather, we should be grateful for the lessons they have taught us and the needs they have helped us meet. Pursuing our personal endeavors with a posture of gratitude will then allow us to invest the right positive energy into it.

So, How has your day job helped you? What lessons have you learned from them? What are some of your best practices for managing your time well and with purpose? Feel free to share in the comments.

The stench of arrogance.

The stench of arrogance, respirator mask, arrogance is toxic

It’s potent.

Have you ever had that moment where you’re in the middle of a conversation with somebody and you say a response that just slips off your tongue, instantly causing regret while also making you sound like an arrogant asshole?

If so, you’re not alone.

I particularly remember a moment a couple of years ago. A friend was sharing some very personal things with me where she had been struggling. I listened, encouraged her, gave her some advice then after her saying thank you, I said some stupid comment about being in a season where I was able to help others.

gross.

It helped nothing. It made me want to slap myself in the face later and I am sure did nothing to help her feel any better about her situation.

When people are taking the risk to be honest and vulnerable with us, nothing should ever be said that in someway puts yourself above their situation.

Because we are not.

Arrogance is rancid and palpable.

It is this need to showcase ourselves as better than another. So in some weird way, we can have the upper hand.

I think many of us do this for different reasons. Whether that be to gain control, to look good to others, to mask our own insecurities and somehow make ourselves feel better. Either way, it’s gross.

Let’s not forget that old Proverb, “Pride comes before the fall.”

Let’s stop. Let’s encourage. Let’s show belief, love and empathy. Let’s have humility because one day we may be sitting in the same chair. I know I have.

Regardless of where our current world affairs lie, this can start with us. Humility is not weakness. It takes tremendous intention and care for others. A discipline far more difficult and selfless than walking in arrogance.

Let’s be the change.

Waiting for permission, limiting beliefs and other things that hold us back.

waiting for permission, limiting beliefs, overcoming limitations, smart man with pipe, smoking a pipe, creative brain, more than dreamers

It happens pretty often. I am in the middle of trying to figure something out, to get a task accomplished at work and then finally I have to yell (not because I’m mad but because “yell” is normal volume level for me), “Kenny!” Kenny confidently strolls into the office, knowing he has the answer to whatever it is that I am going to need in that moment. Then I tend to say something like, “I need figure out some form that lists blah blah blah and can we make it look pretty?” Inevitably, he has it completed in less than an hour and all of my pressure is removed and I can get on with my life. Kenny is incredible. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

We may not all have a Kenny. And for me, Kenny isn’t always around. Sometimes I do have to figure things out on my own. Sometimes I just give up. We all have.

Like the time I considered trying out for the Volleyball team in high school and realized I could not hit the ball in a specific direction, ever. Or when I thought it would be a great idea to learn how to change my own oil to save some money and then realized there were too many steps to the process and rather than learn and try, I gave up. I never even asked for help. It just seemed too difficult in my mind, so I convinced myself it wasn’t worth it.

But then, there were those times where I have sought help, I am sure you’ve had them yourself. Where you are initially eager to learn this new skill or challenge and somebody, with their own experience, is attempting to set you up for success and shares their way of getting it done. And for some reason, either in the way they present it, or in the way that we chose to hear it, what was explained was the only way to do it. And that is the way that it must be done.

But the truth is, that’s a lie.

And for some reason we have convinced ourselves and held on to these methods that are actually limitations.

These limitations prevent us from innovating and they prevent us from being ourselves; from doing things the way that makes the most sense in our on minds. It prevents us from getting the most out of an opportunity.

One of the most inhibiting limits that I have both witnessed and experienced myself on several occasions, is convincing ourselves that we need permission.

We don’t!

You do not!

I do not!

Waiting for permission to do something of betterment or improvement is insane. Why would we give that kind of power to others? Majority of that is rooted in fear. Fear of what others might say or think. Fear of hearing “no.” Fear of failing. We need to stop looking for a security blanket. Risk is risk. It isn’t risk without pushing the limits.

So let’s figure this out.

Let’s ask ourselves, how are we limiting ourselves? Am I too dependent on **insert name of your Kenny**? Am I convincing myself something is too hard and prematurely giving up? Did I allow somebody to convince me there is only one way to get something done and I might have a better way? Or am I just waiting around for permission before I take some action?

At the end of the day, nobody else is going to do the work for us. It’s your dream and your life, remember? Not somebody else’s. You will need to do the work. You will need to find the resources. You’ll need to remind yourself that it’s worth it (and for the things that aren’t, stop wasting time on them). You are the only one who needs to give yourself permission.

Don’t wait for somebody else. Don’t wait for the “right time.” Anything new or scary will never feel like it’s the “right time.” There is infinite opportunity out there, with only few who actually make the leap.

Live without limits. I give you permission. 😉

Now it’s your turn.

How the teasing comb stole my life.

Big Hair, we assign the weight to things in our lives, big hair singing into microphone, Never silence band

Way back in my Rockstar days, there was this really popular thing called Myspace. It was the much cooler version of Facebook. In 2007, if you navigated to MySpace and stumbled upon my unique profile, you would find a picture of a little Dominiqueee with huge scene hair and a motto that read my top 3 priorities: Jesus, Rock & Roll and Big Hair. In that order. And I meant it. Those were the things in which I gave all of my spare time. You might be asking about the Big Hair part and how much time could I really give to my hair…hours. I invested hours each day into my hair. I had a 9 step-process. I’m not exaggerating. I broke down the process into 9 steps so I could share with others when they asked. When I wasn’t teasing my hair or having it dyed different colors, I was going to school for ministry or I was playing drums in my band. Hours of each day of my life broken up into chunks and given to these 3 areas. For some reason, I felt that my hair reputation was worth hours daily. Today, I wish I could have some of those hours back. Why? Because that’s not where I choose to invest the most precious resource on Earth. I mean, it’s still important that I have good looking hair, but not to the point that I sacrifice other important priorities such as working out or writing for my blog.

Moments, events or things in our lives (in my case, my hair) have as much weight as we assign to them. You read that right. We assign the weight. The good moments and the bad moments. Proud moments of accomplishment and even the angry moments when somebody cuts us off in traffic. We decide and assign the weight we feel each of these moments deserve.

This works cumulatively as well, with our entire lives. We assign our lives as much purpose as we choose. It’s our decision, how we want to spend it, what we want to do with it, and how we make it our own.

One last thought. Sometimes we don’t always see or believe the true value or moments of our lives or even that we have things to offer this world. We’ve all been there at one time or another. It’s inevitable that others around us may feel that way at times as well. Let’s encourage one another in those moments. Let’s remind others that they do have value to add. Remind them that they have significant purpose. And let’s believe and support alongside them that they will discover the tools that they need to do the things they set out to do.

And step away from the teasing comb.

*Photo by PhotoFM.com

Sure ways to sink your ship and how to not.

Self improvement, potential pitfalls

You’ve got goals and ambitions. You’re ready to set sail into the sunset and live out those dreams. But before you cast off, here are a few common pitfalls that some fall prey to along their journey. Learning and becoming aware of these potential mishaps early will help you to either avoid or strengthen yourself. Here are some to get started on right away.

Not knowing your strengths.
Knowing not only your strengths but also your accomplishments is a great way to jumpstart your pursuit. Knowing what you’re good at and using those things to create progress will give you the energy and inertia you need to continue forward motion. If you are unsure of what your strengths are, there are a couple things you can do. 1. Review your past accomplishments. Ask yourself why and how you were able to accomplish those things. Thats generally a good indication of what are you are good at. 2. Personally tests. I love these. Maybe too much, but either way, somebody has done the work of creating questions that will reveal your common character attributes and how you respond to certain situations. This can also help with the next point.

Not knowing your weaknesses.
Yes. Your weaknesses can absolutely be a pitfall. Not knowing how you respond in certain situations or your skill level, or even your lack of desire for something, can cause your pursuit to come to a screeching halt. A weakness of mine, is that I easily get inspired by others who are pursuing their dreams. It sounds like a good thing buuuuutttt, basically what happens is I see somebody do something great and am immediately inspired to action for myself, but I have my own things I am already working on and it tends to distract me from staying on task. It is not uncommon for our strength to also be our weakness. So don’t rule that out in your assessment. My best friend likes to also discuss weaknesses as things that make you die a little on the inside when you have to do them. For her, it’s taxes and finances for her business. She would encourage you to outsource those things if you can. That way you can invest your energy in the things that you are great at. Then there are also weaknesses that are absolute career stallers that you may actually need to work on improving. Example: maybe you are wanting to be a fitness coach, but you hate people. That might get in the way of you being successful and people wanting you to guide them. So you invest in ways to overcome, but learning to appreciate people for specific reasons and it helps you see them in a more positive light.

Thinking you don’t have the right resources.
Not getting started on pursuing your passions because you don’t have the right resources such as funds or skill is a very easy way to quit before you even get started. Recently I went to the Museum of Natural History in NYC. As you walk through early civilization and see the tools that were created and used, people found ways to make due with what they had. Sticks turned into spears, spears into swords, swords into bullets, etc. Could you imagine if the first prehistoric families just said, “meh, I don’t have the right resources to take out that animal for my food source. I give up”? No way. Often resources are created out of necessity. There’s a need, gap or opportunity. We are the most intelligent and innovative life form. We didn’t begin at the Iron Age. We worked our way there. Progress had to be made. It’s the same with getting started with your passions. You want to be the best guitar player in the world? Guess what, you do not need a Taylor or a Les Paul to do so. You can find a cheap no name guitar at a pawn shop for $20 and get started. We naturally put unrealistic expectations on ourselves that quickly dissuade us from going after what we set out to do.

Not knowing others who have done what you want to do.
This can be a tough one. How do we do something if there is no one around to tell us how to do it? How do we know if we are doing it wrong or doing it right? It’s hard to tell. The good news is, there’s plenty of people out there who are willing to help. It’s a matter of getting connected. The true solution: Ask for help. The internet is a wonderful thing. And nowadays, there’s a whole focus on the importance of building a platform and people willing to show you how to do it. Meaning, there are people out there who understand the value of helping others and understand that is how they will continue to move along as well. So if you want to be a writer and don’t know any writers, pick out your favorites, shoot them an email. Lots of masters in the field hold “webinars” because thats the hot thing to do right now. There are ways to get connected and learn from others. Don’t set limits on yourself. Ask.

Allowing your message to be convoluted.
I have a coupe friends who are idea machines. They want to do so much and have incredible ideas. They often are frustrated with themselves because they don’t know where or how to get started. They see this picture in their head of this thing and it continues to evolve until they have gone down some other rabbit hole and then they completely lost touch of what it was they were originally on track to do. This happens to a lot of us. Simplifying our message or even our plan of action is imperative. Guess what, nobody else will be on board if they can’t follow you. Not physically, but mentally. People will grow weary in chasing you down your rabbit holes. There are different techniques to remain focused. Just yesterday, I reviewed my passion planner that I began using in the beginning of January. I reviewed the entire month of January and compared it with my original goals I set for the year. Wow, I was way off. By the end of January I had gone down a rabbit hole myself and completely lost focused of my internal message. After reviewing my original plan, it put me back on course and I feel confident that I will learn from it and stay the course during the month of February. So if you are an idea machine or you get distracted, or you’re a normal human who doesn’t think in very simplistic terms, challenge yourself to simplify your message into 2-3 sentences and review it regularly. Not just quarterly, but monthly and weekly. Keep it simple.

Not saying no or becoming distracted.
Similar to the above and becoming convoluted, getting distracted by not saying no to things that take away from your message or your original plan of pursuit is something to be aware of. These are the moments that it is our responsibility to remain in control of what we originally set out to do. When people see you doing things, they will naturally reach out to either learn of what you are doing or to share their own ideas. These are the times where I tend to get pulled off course. Out of good nature, I want to help. Which then lends to over-extending myself and losing track of my own goals. I’ve talked about this many times before, have an anchor. Keep it top of mind. If your opportunities don’t align with your anchor, it’s time to say no.

Convincing yourself it’s pointless.
Or even, “Somebody else will do it.” Noooooooo. What if Martin Luther King Jr. thought that way? Or Steve Jobs or Abraham Lincoln. We each carry a gift to give to the world. I’m convinced of it. Some of us finish our lives without ever sharing it. We wait for others to step in or convince ourself it’s not worth the effort or the battle. But there is always purpose. I promise you. What we do has as much weight as we are willing to assign it. My best friend is a Wedding Photographer. She is incredible at her craft. She recently had an opportunity to photograph an infant who was very ill; who may not live very long. She used her craft to do a photoshoot of this child so that the parents would have something to remember, had the baby not made it. She gave them a gift. It also brought fulfillment to her. Had she given up her craft when it became difficult and assumed there are plenty of other photographers out there, that moment, that opportunity may not have existed. For either of them. Opportunities present themselves. We assign the depth of meaning.

Lack of self discipline.
This is probably the number 1 dream killer. And really, if we are honest, if pursuing our dreams was easy, everybody would do it. The pursuit takes dedication, constant focus and re-alignment and a ton of self discipline. I believe if you can get in control of yourself; your thoughts, your habits, your actions, your words, you are capable of doing anything. ANYTHING. In America, we don’t have a lot of it. Many of us are used to getting what we want without having to work too hard. And because of this, there is a glass ceiling that many of us don’t even have a desire to attempt to break through. We are comfortable. Why try harder when I drive a nice car already or have all the latest gadgets on credit? Why go on a diet and exercise when I can just have a surgery that forces me to lose the weight? We are a culture of finding the easy way out. But that is not what got us to where we are. That is not the type of thinking that advances the world or a people. And it sure isn’t the type that brings deep fulfillment. Playing it safe rarely accomplished anything of real importance. And so why should you? You have one life to live. One life to do it the way you want. One life to bring your gift to the world. So what are you doing right now, consistently and in the face of adversity, to be able to present it to us? What disciplined steps can you take right now to make forward progress?

Go do it.

The art of bringing others along.

The art of bringing others along.

If you happen to be a human, you are in the business of people. It doesn’t matter what you do. At some point, you interact with others. Eventually you may also need to have some level of influence in those interactions. In today’s workplace environments, EQ (emotional intelligence) has become far more important than IQ. Mostly because, as a collective of individuals we have discovered that we work better and faster when we work together. So HOW we work together with others has become a much more valuable tool than one’s own individual level of knowledge. There are plenty of us still out there, though, who haven’t quite figured that out yet. Our egos have been stroked for years due to our level of intelligence and then one day we find ourselves in a position where we may have all the knowledge but nobody wants to listen to anything we have to say. There’s probably good reason for that. People around you may not feel needed. And you may not realize that others have important things to offer.

This post will be all about connecting those things. Since it is often easy for us to apply some form of this to our own lives and internally respond with “I do those things” I will also be sharing what some opposites might look like. If both sides apply, then some work will need to be done to make improvements wherever necessary.

The art of bringing others along has to naturally begin with letting go of “self.” Realizing you are not the only relevant party in the matter and that you need everyone else on board in order to move forward. That’s right. It’s not all about you. It’s not about your killer ideas, your wit or your intellect. Because you may have the best idea that ever existed, but if nobody is willing to come alongside and help you fulfill the idea, its utterly meaningless. Which is why it’s even better if the ideas don’t come from you.

I understand “letting go of self” can sound very broad and even much easier said than done. So we are going to spend some time in some specifics to help get started. The important part is being aware of these situations as they arise and then purposeful in how you respond.

Here are a few steps in the art of bringing others along.

1.Be Humble.
There is a lot here and it will take some time to unpack. So let’s get started. This is the first step for a reason and probably the most difficult. Pride is the most common pitfall I have seen amongst those who fail at bringing others along. There was a young man I worked with years ago who felt he was ready to lead a team. The problem was, the team didn’t like him. Sure, he was good at his job, but he was terrible at helping others become good at their jobs. So if somebody is great at their job but can’t figure out how to communicate why they are good at their jobs, or help convince others that they can be better without sounding like an asshole, they probably shouldn’t be in a position to lead. Since this person thought he was the best at his job and everyone else was terrible, nobody cared to listen to him. He only made everyone else feel terrible about themselves. He was the best and they could never be like him.

Some of the best Leaders I know are quite the opposite. They believe their team holds the best ideas and the best answers to the most difficult questions. They don’t pretend to know it all. They don’t feel the need to answer every question that is asked in a group of people. They allow others to share in the decision making. So let’s talk about this more; our interactions with others.

2. Know your audience.
This is two fold. We have two types of audiences, our peer group and those above us. It is our responsibility to know both. And by “know,” I mean, actually know them. What drives them. What they are in to. How they learn. Why they respond to things the way that they do. One of the most important things you can know about somebody is what their aspirations are. To share ones hopes and dreams with another is a special thing. Mostly because it has no benefit to you in anyway. Its out of a place of care and getting to know somebody else. There is nothing that can be accomplished without a strong foundation amongst your audience. All audiences are NOT equal. They do not respond the same way. Do not make the mistake of addressing each one similarly. For example, a peer group of intellectuals do not like being told what to do. They appreciate being a part of the problem solving. While on the opposite end of the spectrum, sitting around a table with an audience of people above you, might appreciate a big picture view rather than being involved in all of the details. Know the type of audience you are dealing with and how to approach them.

3. You’re not the smartest person in the room.
So maybe you are. But it’s likely you’re not. And remember, we need each other. Your area of expertise is probably different from somebody else. At least it should be. Here’s the deal. You could very well be the smartest person in the room. However, nobody and I mean NOBODY should know that you think that. It is one thing to be the smartest person in the room, its an entirely other thing to be the person that thinks they are the smartest in the room. People can tell when you think that. And it reeks. Bringing others along will not come from a talking head. It requires collaboration. I am very lucky to work for an incredible Leader. One who asks our opinions. One who refuses to move on unless we collectively agree on something and allows us to be honest with our thoughts and opinions so we can respectfully argue it out if necessary. He could easily veto us for the sake of moving on. But he does’t. He believes the best idea wins. So we talk through our ideas and refine them together. We all add value. Every person has something to add. Give them the opportunity. This brings me to my next point.

4. Give credit where credit is due.
A quick and sure way to bring others along is to publicly give credit for their great idea. If you’re on a winning team, and it’s getting attention, give proper credit. This goes a long way. Shining light on your talent is imperative. It shows them that you see their value and think others should know of it as well.

On the flip side of this, if you happen to be right when you had the best idea, and somebody else was against it – steer clear from “I told you so.” This does the opposite. It make others feel small and devalued. They will be less likely to offer their ideas or support in the future. You are no longer a safe place to bring ideas. You are a person who’s ego is most important; not them.

5. Genuinely care about people.
This sounds easy but people can tell when you are faking it. They can also tell when they are being manipulated. I’ve seen people turn this on when they want to get promoted. I’ve also seen people turn this on when they are about to get fired. Caring about others out of self-preservation or for the sake of self-promotion is shallow and people see right through it. Caring about others should be a constant. When it comes to bringing others along, there is no compromise here. You need to have been unwavering in your care for others. From the beginning and all the way to the end. It has to be authentic and relentless. This will help others know your intent in the midst of more difficult conversations. They will be more likely to listen out of respect, knowing you care deeply about them.

6. Ask good questions.
Asking great questions goes a long way. And is helpful in many scenarios. There will be times where you were not brought along in a decision making process. And perhaps you strongly disagree with a decision. How somebody responds in these particular scenarios says a lot about their character. They can either go on the attack and name all the reasons why it was the wrong decision, or they can ask questions. The latter tends to show far more maturity. Seeking to understand rather than insisting to be understood is a fundamental approach to being a part of something bigger than yourself. Once you have all of the information (that you may not have been a part of in the first place), you may discover why a particular decision was made. Also, once somebody else has made their case, and you potentially still disagree, you now have an opportunity to offer a different perspective and ask for their opinion. This is a far more respectful approach, where others will be willing to listen because you also took the time to hear them out.

7. Be wiling to be persuaded.
This post is not about getting your way. This post is about the art of bringing others along. With that being said, sometimes we are wrong. And if we are trying to help others understand our perspective, we better be willing to hear out and try to understand theirs. Even more, we should be willing to change our mind. Are you a safe place? Are you somebody that others can come to and be honest with? I am not telling you to be someone who allows their minds to be changed on every little thing, that does not go over well. I’ve seen it. But asking others to hear you out, requires that you do the same. Otherwise, you are just a dictator. Listening with a willingness to be persuaded shows that you are invested in the dialogue. You are willing to hear somebody out because you care about them and what they have to say. And remember, you aren’t the smartest person in the room. Be a great listener. Be wiling to admit defeat or when an idea is better than your own. Then tell others why it was better.

Bringing others along, truly is an art. It’s give and take. “My way or the highway” just doesn’t fly anymore. And it shouldn’t. We are stronger and better together. Mathematically, multiple brains are far better than one. If we hope to influence or lead people in the future, this is absolutely something we need to get right. It will come with a lot of trial and error. Approaching others with humility will go a long way.

So where can you improve? Is there an audience you could get to know a little better? Could you stand to work on some of your personal relationships? Are you willing to be persuaded? Take one step today. See how it impacts your conversations.

“Change your vocabulary!” she said.

internal dialogue, positivity, give yourself more credit

This morning my eyes opened prior to my alarm going off. This happens 1-2 times a week. It’s rare because I generally close at work and then force myself to wake up at an absurd hour to get my work out in and my writing done the next morning.

After spending a good 15 to 20 minutes procrastinating on social media sites, I finally rolled out of bed. It was a mild 44 degrees outside. Not too bad for a winter’s day in January. Checking the weather tends to be one of the first things I do in the morning. Mostly because it will determine how the next hour or so of my life will go. I will either go for a run or ride my bike, followed by some type of strength training.

I bundled up. Long socks, pants, down vest, beanie, gloves and prepared to brave the cold for a 3 mile run.

As I am stretching and getting ready to head out, my sister texts me. It’s pictures of triathlon outfits for her upcoming Iron Man. She’s been training hard. I try to keep up to give her some company, but she is beginning to outpace me in her activities now. She’s a machine.

After telling her to stick with the unitard (because when do you ever get to tell somebody that), I inform her that I am heading out on my “measly 3 mile run.” (She’s been running 7-12 miles multiple times a week for her training). Before I put my phone away, the screen lit up one last time. “Change your vocabulary!” she said.

My sister is on a positivity kick. Which is not a bad idea for somebody training for an Iron Man. I tend to be pretty positive, myself. I’d probably describe it as one of my defining attributes. But we can’t always be perfect.

I attempted to justify my negative tone by using comparison to her current training regime.

Then I took off.

It was windy and cold but after my first 5-10 minutes in, I felt great. I only passed by two other people out exercising. This might be normal for somebody like my Dad who literally lives in the middle of the woods. But I live in a Master Planned community. A very active one, I might add. Strollers, bikes and doggies abound. So at nearly 8AM, with almost nobody else outdoors, I felt pretty good about not only my measly 3 miles, but just getting out of the house when most others chose to stay inside.

My sister’s phrase stuck with me. And I had a couple of realizations while I was out on my run.

  1. We don’t give ourselves enough credit. This can often lead to then convincing ourselves that some things just aren’t worth it. I could have said, “3 measly miles is pointless. I’m just going to stay in my warm bed today.” And let that be it. No forward progress. But the truth is, regardless of the actual distance, I am consistent. Which I probably don’t give myself enough credit for. Sure its only 3 miles, but 3 miles 3-5 times a week, consistently for 5 years is a pretty solid accomplishment. I’m confident there are many things in our lives that we don’t give ourselves enough credit for. A big reason for that is my next point.
  2. ComparisonIf we compare ourselves to others, there is always somebody else we will fall short next to. What does that mean, you might ask? It’s likely there is always somebody out there who might be better than us (unless you hold some world record and in that case, good for you). So we can attempt to hold ourselves to somebody else’s unrealistic standards (for us) OR we can set our own standards, achieve them, and feel great about it. And then continue to compete with ourself.

We need to change our internal dialogue. To one that is affirming. One that tells us we can and we are worth it. Not just with exercise but with goals and aspirations. And then celebrate ourselves when we accomplish something we set out to do. Reward your hard work, determination and follow-through. Don’t waste your time, energy or brain power on comparison. It’s futile. The best musicians, artists, entrepreneurs and doctors did not get there overnight or by comparison, but through determination and practice. Consistency over time and something else very important.

Belief.

Belief in themselves. Belief in their abilities. Belief that nobody else was going to do the work them. Most importantly, belief that it is worth it.

So get out there. Stop comparing yourself. Give yourself more credit.

Change your vocabulary.

Let’s dream again.

dream, more than dreamers

Good morning.

It’s 2017. I know it’s hard to believe. It feels like the last 6 months or so have been a whirl wind of chaos and emotions resulting from this year’s election.

It has silenced me as well. Regardless of what side of it you are on, people have been in an uproar.

It’s been a bit weird to even speak. Everyone on edge. It hasn’t been easy. Let’s just put it that way.

I’ve personally felt a pressure to not run around and remind everyone to pursue their dreams because, well, it felt a bit insensitive.

But as I wait here, for months, and realize the shift is not occurring, I’ve discovered something. This is not going to be a quick recovery.

We aren’t bouncing back from this as quickly as the media changes their story; perhaps because the media has not shifted their story. ..which is an entirely separate bag of worms we won’t get into right now.

So, do we just stay here? In our frustration and our indifference?

I don’t know about you, but I feel like I’ve waited long enough.

A while back, I wrote a post on fear. Fear is something that; if one does something of actual meaning, fear will be involved. The point is, that we can not allow it to paralyze us or disarm us. In my own words, “we need to do that shit afraid.”

And currently, I think that’s where we need to arrive.

These current feelings of frustration may not subside for quite some time. But we can not allow it to paralyze us. For us to hide out and be angry. To constantly lash out at one another.

We need forward motion. Forward progress. We need to dream and push through in spite of these feelings.

So I want to encourage you today, right where you are at, as you read this, to make a choice. A choice for forward motion. A choice of action. A choice in spite of fear. A choice to do more than dream.

And let’s support one another in this. To dream. To live. To love in spite of shortcomings.

So what are you going to do different? How will you take action towards your aspirations today? What’s 3 easy steps you can take right now to gain some traction? How can you help somebody else?

We’re in this together. Let’s go for it.

It’s 2017. Now What?

2017 Life Planning

It was about mid-November that I stopped watching the news. I also have been heavily avoiding social media.

I made it through the holidays and then all of a sudden realized it was 2017.

For most of those that know me, they know that I am a planner. But this year, I have struggled a bit.

I didn’t actually sit down and begin even thinking about 2017 until yesterday, January 3rd.

I am not a resolutions person by any means. But I do believe in preparing for my year and at least establishing a theme for what I hope to make of my upcoming year. January is also my birth month, so I tend to feel inspired for the whole new year of life that is ahead of me.

This January just hasn’t been like that.

To be fair, I have worked about 50 hours a week and had a lot to process in my personal life, but either way, dominique has not thought ahead as I usually do.

I know I would be insanely displeased with myself if I didn’t finally sit down and give 2017 a bit of thought.

Here’s what the process finally looked like.

  1. It was better late than never.
    Like I said, I would have been utterly disgusted with myself had I walked away from the New Year and not established any aspirations and ambitions for myself.
  2. I bought myself a new planner for the entire year.
    I’ve been a journal-er pretty much my entire life. Literally since I was 7. I still have the first journal. But more recently I have gotten into some more specific type of life mapping. There are a ton of planner varieties out there these days. I’ve heard of Happy Planners, Self-Journals and my new one: Passion Planner. I am by no means here to endorse any specific one. All of our needs are different, but this one allowed me to have a place for both my personal endeavors as well as my work ones. I also just need something physical to write in to keep me on task.
  3. I sat down and daydreamed.
    I know this is called “More Than Dreamers” but the dreaming part has to exist prior to the pursuit. Otherwise, we might as well call ourselves cats; running from random room to random room. The passion planner made it really easy for me to get some things out of my brain. Things that would bring me fulfillment. Then it had me write out some very practical things I can do right now to get started.
  4. I crafted a plan.
    Its important to know that this plan is not ironclad. Hell, I am hopeful to stick with it for at least a week. If I can do that, then I know I am in for an extended period of time. But either way, some structure must exist. I need a target to shoot for in order to track any potential progress made.
  5. I plan on doing it.
    For real. You’ve heard the quote…A goal without a plan is merely a wish. Unfortunately, we can’t wish our life into awesomeness. Otherwise this would be called “Wishful Dreamers.” It just doesn’t work that way.

Have you ever known somebody who just seemingly woke up one day and made a decision and then stuck by it? I know you have. Think about it. I am positive you know somebody who you hadn’t seen in a while (or maybe you did) Either way, they decided one day that they were finally going to do this healthy thing and lose a bunch of weight. You watch their weigh-loss journey on social media. They post inspirational quotes that talk about how nobody else did the work for them. Then boom! They show up to some event that you attended and are 50 pounds lighter and are glowing with confidence, telling everyone about their story because everyone wants to “know their secret.”

Yeah, there is no secret. The answer is something we all already know. Hard work and consistency. They finally just did it. Let go of their excuses and went for it.

So can you. So can I.

Who cares if it’s January 4th. Who cares if you haven’t let yourself dream in a while. You owe it to yourself. And remember, nobody else is going to do it for you.

So if you haven’t yet, take 20 minutes right now to step back and invest into your future. Without giving yourself an opportunity, you’re destined to stay the same person that you have always been.

Let’s do more than dream in 2017.

Gratitude.

It’s November – almost Thanksgiving. It’s the natural time to begin talking about gratitude. It shouldn’t be. Gratitude is something that keeps us grounded as individuals. Especially for those of us who are labeled as “dreamers.”

Dreamers are often associated with being disenfranchised and ungrateful. Always dreaming of what they don’t have or has yet to be attained. That’s a perception we all want to stay far away from.

Gratitude helps us with acceptance of failure. And failure is important. It means we are trying and learning. If we are grateful for each mishap, it gets us closer to less mishaps in the future. It means we are closer to achieving our dreams. It means we were brave and took risks. We can’t afford to become calloused and disillusioned to failures.

That’s when we stop. It’s when there is no more desire to push forward. To challenge the status quo.

So let’s be grateful. Not just for our failures. But for where we are at right now. For the place you are sitting in, reading this. It’s probably a warm place providing you shelter from the elements. It could be a place where you are also surrounded by loved ones (humans and fur-babies included). It could be on a device that gets you instant access to information from all around the world and connect you with people thousands of miles away. It could be at a computer desk in an office where you are paid living wage to pursue a life that matters.

So what matters to you? It’s ok to remind yourself of the answer routinely.

Keep it simple. Keep life in perspective. Love where you are at. It will only allow everything else to be all the more sweet.